what they say		what they mean
Let me tell you about the band’s history		They used to be good
The artist has really matured		It’s really snoozy - keep an eye out for promotional pillows
They’ve got a more accessible sound now		They sold out
This third album is a “back to basics” album		The second album bombed, so this one sounds like the first
They sound a little like The Smiths		It sounds exactly like The Smiths
They have an indie seven-inch out now		Yep, and I think you know what I mean when I say indie (wink, wink)
The song is a real exercise in restraint		It’s slow and boring - see previous promotional pillow reference
It’s really atmospheric		Even 4AD wouldn’t sign them
It’s a little long, but...		We couldn’t get our act together and do an edit in time for the CD-Pro
It’s kind of like old Ramones		They only know three chords
It’s kind of like new Ramones		[Rarely used]
It’s kind of like that Dee Dee Ramone solo record		[Never used]
Sales are up		Sales are down, but I hope you don’t notice
It’s huge in England		Please don’t notice how I’ve just compared them to Suede
It’s selling like crazy in Ft. Myers		I bet you’ll never find Ft. Myers way at the bottom of your ADI report
It’s selling like crazy in Springfield		With a Springfield in every state, you’ll never know which one I’m talking about
It’s selling like crazy in Port Augustine		There’s no Port Augustine - gotcha!
This record really has legs		We’re beating a dead horse
You’ll like the radio edit of the song better		If those boys can’t end their own guitar solo, we’ll end it for them
We’re working a fourth single		We spent so much money on the first video that we still haven’t recouped
It’s on MTV		MTV used a music snippet on “House of Style”
It’s in active rotation on MTV		We’re actively pursuing rotation on MTV
KROQ is playing it		Rodney played it once
It got 20 spins on KROQ		It got 10 spins on KROQ
It’s for your younger demos		It’s kind of sing-songy - like a Barney song
It’s for your upper female demos		Sounds like Sting
It’s a real pop song		We should be working it to CHR
It’s a real sleeper		After 10 weeks, nobody cares
It takes a couple of listens		There’s no hook
It’s kind of jangly		I hope you like R.E.M. retreads
It’s a huge college radio record		It’s out of tune and underproduced
If you can play Green Day, you can play this		Our A&R department is just now discovering punk rock
The artwork is great		The song, however...
Well, it’s just a great song!		I have no stories on this at all
What do you need to see on this?		Can you be bought?
I can get you a signed guitar		Quick, get a pen so I can sign this guitar
We’ll support you on this one		The blow’s in the mail
I’ll let you get going		I gotta go